“This is all my fault.”

Knowledge is a funny thing; we don’t have it until we have it.We can’t make a decision about something five years ago with the information we just learned today.  It is very easy to look backward at all the things we should have done or should not have done, but this just takes us into a negative feed back loop of self blame. What matters is what we do now… today… moving forward. 

“I should have started trying sooner.”

Refer above: you didn’t know about your fertility window until you found out about your fertility window. It is not your fault. You were living life and doing what you needed to do. Now that you know you may have fertility challenges. It is what it is, but you can address them with all you’ve got and move forward.  

“Anything but trying to conceive totally naturally is totally unnatural.”  

If you get a severe infection you take antibiotics. Right? Problem: infection. Solution: antibiotics. Simple. Yes, antibiotics have some side effects but generally that is better than being sick for weeks or worse. Some fertility treatments (especially acupuncture and chinese herbs) are very ‘natural’ and just gently nudge hormonal balances in the right direction to get you pregnant. Try to stay open to all options until you have explored them thoroughly and decided what works for you.  

“My partner should be more ____________ .”

Fertility issues can force us to grapple with some of our biggest demons. The journey to create a family can bring up old grievances from childhood, issues of self worth, fears of becoming parents, money and abundance fears… all sorts of stuff. Couples can get very isolated when struggling to conceive and this can cause major stress in the relationship. Keep talking. Reach out to supportive family and friends if you find yourself leaning too hard on your partner. Go to a therapist if needed. Get acupuncture. Take a yoga class.  Keep breathing and do whatever you need to do to nurture yourself and your partner through this tricky time. 

“I will never have a family of my own.”

Of course you will. It may not happen the way you assumed it would or look the way you thought it would but if you really want a family, it will happen.  

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